10 Problems With Pokémon Gold & Silver Nobody Wants To Admit

So it turns out Niko and Roman aren't actually from an anonymous part of Eastern Europe, but actually the Johto region! Or at least, that's my headcanon for it, since they seem to share the same infuriating social habits of every camper and fisherman from the bleeding place.

Sure, the Pokégear had its perks, letting you save money with your mum (not "mom"), keeping you up to date on marginal developments in the plodding and thin narrative, and gearing you up for higher level rematches with trainers who would occasionally gift you rare items. Now there's a problem there to begin with since rare and useful items like what they were offering should have been available through less RNG dictated means but that's not the thing that keeps me up at night.

Because 90% of the time when someone calls you, it's not to keep you up to date on your tax-free ISA account, not to ping you about the latest trend in the region, or even to start a rousing round of fisticuffs. No. It's to let you know how they nearly, just nearly, managed to take down a rather rogue looking Pidgey in their area and by merit of that victory are now an unstopable force in this world of rainbow phoenixes and time-travelling forest fairies. And if it's not that, it's to let you know just how close they came to capturing a Caterpie the other day. Well done! You are more inept than I was at this at age five when playing Pokémon Blue, and I spent three weeks stuck in Viridian Forest because I didn't understand how the borders on the screen worked!

No one cares about your useless Rattata, Joey. Get a real Pokémon, put some trousers on, and grow the hell up.