10 Signs You're Way Too Old To Be A Gamer

1. You€™re A Real Dead-Eye... For A Bargain

Forget Keanu-ing time in order to paint a few bandit€™s melons with the crosses of doom in Red Dead. That€™s well beyond you. The parts of your brain responsible for reflexes and strategy have been crushed by the hypertrophy of those behind penny-pinching and frugality. Every time Steam or GOG or Origin or XBLA or Playstation Store helpfully inform you that Game X is now available at a mind boggling 85% percent off, and 'Oh yeah, hey bro, some friendly advice: the clock's tickin',' you tell yourself that you€™d be a fool not to take advantage. And we couldn't have that, could we? Of course not. As a result, over the years, you've amassed quite a library. But for many of the dreary reasons heretofore enumerated, of the two hundred or more titles, you€™ve downloaded little more than fifteen, and couldn't so much as identify the genre of the others if your life depended on it. So, dear reader: heart breaker, game player, beer ponger, sing songer ... song sing€”forgive me, it's the early onset dementia€”suffice is to say that if none of the prior hints have been sufficient to hammer home what abject disenfranchisement from the world of gaming looks like, the portrait of a person whose greatest gaming skill is buying games at discount prices must surely illustrate the hollow grasping of decrepitude. So! If you find your own haunted eyes staring back at you from this portrait, then it is my duty to inform you that it's time to face reality. To grow up, move on€”to pass the baton, for goodness' sake! You've had your time in the sun, and you'd gain far more from nurturing the pedigree of gaming's Generation Z than clinging to your youth. You remember the old adage; you used it mercilessly as a kid: "Those who can do, those who can't teach." Clearly, it's time to take some of your own medicine. Get married! Have kids! You can probably still beat a five year-old. But mark my words ... the chances grow slimmer every year. Have you suddenly realised you're too old to be a gamer? Are you saddened and lost? Share your feelings below in the comments thread.