10 Soulless Video Games That Are Just Slot-Machines

6. Angry Birds Go!

Aren't we all just getting a little tired of these soundbite-spewing birds? Flagrant one-trick pony Rovio was onto a good thing way back when mobile gaming as we know it was in its infancy, and fair play to them, they've made their money. But the Angry Birds franchise has become diluted, tired... irrelevant. Flinging cartoon birds at naughty pigs has simply lost its allure. Enter Angry Birds Go!, Rovio's latest and most impassioned attempt to put the final nail in this ageing franchise's feather-lined coffin. When Angry Birds cost a dollar, we knew what to expect; cheap thrills. Now that it's free, the waters start to get a little murky, clouded with the dismal squalor of all the immoral coercive monetisation tricks we've come to expect from freemium gaming. The cornerstone of Rovio's attempt to ruin your day appears as a hateful triptych of torment: ludicrous progress requirements, a soul destroying "hurry up and wait" energy depletion system, and a warehouse of in-app purchase opportunities that make an Aston Martin dealership seem budget-conscious. It's colourful and simple, and for about three minutes even pretends to be fun to play, but it's a thin veneer over a bitter, scabby underbelly of freemium bile and tangible greed. Angry Birds Go. Away.