We've all been there - Christmas morning when you're popping in your latest gift, spending your weekly allowance on the newest game, or maybe you like to treat yourself to a new game with that last paycheck of the month. You hope that it's a good purchase, but sometimes...oh sometimes it's a real doozy of a dump.
Whether it's because the controls are janky, the story's soul-crushing, or maybe it just doesn't work. We live in an age when even the biggest, most profitable gaming companies shovel unfinished tripe out the door under the guise of AAA publishing, only to patch it out in the ensuing weeks.
At least... you hope they patch it.
Some of these entries will be specific products, some will be more general. But in each case we hope to garner some relatability, together. We've all certainly played some so-called perfect games that left us happy and satisfied once it was over, with no regrets.
You won't find any of those on this list, though. And just to spice things up, we aren't even going to talk about Cyberpunk, sports games, or a certain wrestling franchise - all of whom could have easily made this list from what they've released in the last few years alone.
Lifeline was a game of such novel conception it was bound to fail. Innovative to a fault, it was one of the first major games to embrace voice-command functionality. And embrace it, Lifeline certainly did. Known as Operator's Side in Japan, this 2003 Konami release came out on the PS2. Did you even know the PS2 had voice control features? If you did it was probably because of this game.
Set on a space station you played as a fellow stuck in a security office, acting as the handler for a waitress-turned-reluctant-commando. The game starts off with enough fun to keep you entertained for a while. Getting our heroine, Rio, to tell you jokes, compete to see who can name the most states, or bark like a dog are all great fun. But then you have to actually play the game.
Controlling Rio entirely by voice command, in 2003, was just a ridiculous pipe dream, especially in a survival horror setting. Rio talks back, fails to understand your commands, and wastes ammo like it grows on space trees. And if you need her to target a specific weak point on a monster? "Now's not the time to sit down."
No Rio, now isn't the time. But it's a good thing I'm already sitting down.