12 Dirty Jokes Hidden In Your Favourite Video Games

What do sheep and cocoa have in common? Hopefully nothing, but games may surprise you there.

Mass Effect Joker Earphones

Humor is the spice of life and who controls the spice controls the - wait a minute, I think I'm mixing up idioms. Anyway the important thing is that humor comes in a variety of ways: Slapstick like the Three Stooges, Conan O'Brien's notorious self-deprecating stylings, the infamous knock-knock joke, and of course a great element of comedy is surprise - the punchline you don't see coming is often the best.

The word humor, itself, comes from the belief among the ancient Greeks that comedy and laughter was one of the best ways to balance the different elements of the human body. Good humor = good health. Video games are poised to create rich atmospheres full of emotions and situations and one of those is comedy.

There are some great jokes in video games full of nuance, self-referential humor, and consisting of complex diatribes and dialogues.

But I'm not talking about those - I'm talking dirty jokes here, today. So toss out your G-rated sensibilities and follow along on this list of jokes about sex, genitals, and all manner of sinful ideas hidden within the gaming medium.

12. Don't Thrust Deeply Into The Motherland! - Command & Conquer

The third entry in the Red Alert series of the Command & Conquer franchise is just as filled with camp and parody as any other game in the series. Replete with great lines such as Tim Curry's beautiful delivery of. "I'm escaping to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism......SPACE!"

Then you have the Soviet faction's hammer tank that spouts solid lines like "Who's ready for a good pounding?" Also there's the fact that Japanese commando unit Yuriko will flash her panties if you kill her while she's moving.

But the 'creme de la creme' choice for this entry is Soviet General Krukov's chastisement between missions for you taking too long to rescue him. "While you were hiding behind your barricades in Leningrad, the enemy was thrusting deeply into the Motherland's tender nether regions!"


Author of Escort (Eternal Press, 2015), co-founder of Nic3Ntertainment, and developer behind The Sickle Upon Sekigahara (2020). Currently freelancing as a game developer and history consultant. Also tends to travel the eastern U.S. doing courses on History, Writing, and Japanese Poetry. You can find his portfolio at www.richardcshaffer.com.