13 Things Nobody Wants To Admit About Pokémon

Pokémon is a video game staple, a commercial juggernaut that earns more money from merchandising alone than most small countries earn from taxing their entire populations. In fact, if Nintendo went bankrupt tomorrow, and were forced to sell everything asset and intellectual property apart from Pokémon, they’d still make enough money to sustain themselves as a relatively sized independent studio.

For whatever reason, people just can’t seem to get enough of Pokémon; they absolutely adore the ugly little things, and they’ll empty their wallets all over Nintendo’s face just to show their appreciation. They’ll pay subscription fees for online storage, they’ll pay full price for two separate versions of the same game, and they’ll defend Pokémon tooth and nail against any perceived threat, which in this case happens to be legitimate criticism.

You see, nothing’s perfect, least of all Pokémon. From not having developed in any meaningful way in over two decades, to generally being a chore to play sometimes, Pokémon has always been something of a flawed experience. It’s a beloved franchise with many positive qualities to which I will (no doubt) soon be informed, but that doesn't mean it should be considered beyond reproach.

As we've all gotten older, many of us have found ourselves inexplicably distanced from the Pokémon universe. Here are the thirteen biggest reasons why…

Some people don’t care about finishing games, truly finishing them. The tantalising prospect of crossing every last T, and dotting that final, elusive I, doesn't interest them in the slightest. Whether a game says 76% or 100%; to them, it’s all the same thing. It just doesn't bother them, the thought of a game being left ultimately unfinished, abandoned utterly incomplete. In fact, they've probably already moved on to their next conquest, without even a second thought for those wretched games left unrealised, deserted in their wake.

Some of us, however, do care about this sort thing. In fact, we fixate over it; it keeps us up at night, tossing and turning in our sleep.

For us, it can be difficult walking away from a game that still has something left to offer, that still has secrets yet to be revealed, items yet to be uncovered, promises yet to be delivered upon. And Pokémon isn’t exactly making things any easier for us.

There are currently 807 of the bloody things, spread across dozens of games and multiple gaming systems. At this point, it'd be easier to pick every blade of grass from your back garden with a pair of chopsticks than it would be to conceivably catch every last Pokémon. Especially considering the fact that many of them are only attainable through special events, or through trading with others players, which grows increasingly more difficult for those of us in our mid-twenties, who have no friends. *cough*