1. The All-Round Horror Zelda CD-I: Wand of Gamelon
Think back to the most unpleasant noise you've ever heard in your life; back to all those terrible emotions which it wrought upon you. Now I want you to casually disregard that deeply suppressed memory of yours, because there's already a whole pantheon of those adept in the ways of terrible noise mastery the Zelda: Wand of Gamelon voice acting cast. Criticising the voice acting in a Zelda game is somewhat akin to lambasting the acting in a porn film: both are virtually non-existent, and largely consist of strange grunts like, "HIUAAAAAAAAAAAAAH." But in some darkened office the Philips CD-I was born into existence presumably in an occult pact to satisfy the nightmarish whims of an Old One and the terrible decision to make Zelda games for it was made. What to say about this one? The entirety of the voice acting sounds as though it's been lifted from a particularly low rent eighties, Saturday morning cartoon. The characters are saying things entirely detrimental to their established personae, and the whole affair has all the effectiveness of Doctor Zhivago as acted out by alley cats. And this is all without mentioning Link; whom essentially goes from being the stalwart Hero of Time, to the type of insufferably enthusiastic (and naïve) kid who always dies first in public safety films.
Ashley Bailey writes critical reviews in the manner of an angry, judgmental 70 year old writing into TV Guide. He is also the former editor a small metal and rock webzine.
In his spare time, he is a self confessed Steam addict: so much so, in fact, he is literally willing to write for food, having spent his money on their lovely, lovely sales.
