8 Reasons Why Mass Effect’s Story Isn’t As Great As You Think
5. Nobody Talks Like That
Have you ever listened to the dialogue in Mass Effect? Like, really listened to it? Because it’s no definitely no Bill Shakespeare. It’s barely even Larry Shakespeare, that weird kid at school who wrote erotic Doctor Who fan-fiction featuring K-9.
As an overall experience, it’s OK. It sounds grand and important and makes us feel smart for being part of it, but each individual scene can – and should – cause a few cringes along the way. Despite having a reputation as a classy saga, plenty of Mass Effect characters talk like they’re stars of an action-movie trailer, saying stuff like:
"We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."
"You're not even alive. Not really. You're just a machine, and machines can be broken."
"You have no idea what it takes to get the job done. This is how a gun in your face feels. It happens to me every day. You can't handle this."
And honestly, no-one talks like this – although we dare you to say that last one to your manager on a Monday morning. These are well-written characters, with generally interesting back-stories, but sometimes the dialogue sounds like it was knocked up on a Friday, five minutes before the BioWare office closed.