These Horror Video Games SUCK!

Oh maaaaan.

So before I begin railing on this absolute smelly arse of a video game, let me set the scene for you. So while researching titles for this NOT LIST, I kept on getting fleeting memories of a game that I played as a kid but couldn't figure out what the hell it was called. With each title, I looked at I was like "Nah it's not as bad as this game whose name is on the tip of my tongue" and then, in some dusty old forum, I found it.

Bram Stokers Dracula.

Like uttering a curse, the door that I had barred shut in my mind burst open with all of its horrors, and while the moment should have made me happy, to have finally put the last puzzle piece in place, it turns out that the door was bolted shut for a reason, as this puzzle when stepping back and looking at it is of a dog taking a s**t on a baby, because this game was wrong on so many levels.

Despite marketing itself as a horror title, the Sega CD version that I remember playing out like side-scrolling beat 'em up, and nothing quite destroys the slow-building fear of the Dracula legend quite like toe punting a !*$% crow out of the sky. It's quite unclear how Jonathan Harker picked up these kung-fu skills but by God are they coming in handy, even allowing for him to decapitate and brutalize monsters, hell the man can even punch a ghost to death!

Tell me why I'm meant to be afraid for his safety again? This guy is making Simon Bellmont look like a !*$%!

Still, the enjoyment does wear as thin as NHS spending pretty quickly due to the fact that the response time, animation, level layout, and music all grate the very soul of the player. The music especially sounds like a microphone has been placed in Barry White's washing machine and put on high spin, and those animations? mmm Mmm Mmm! it looks like if Harvester was made with an even lower budget.

Avoid this game like the plague it is as it's less "Blaagh" and more "Bleegh"