These Wrestling Video Games SUCK!

Where to even begin with this mess?

When you look at the title, it conjures up images of the likes of The British Bulldog smashing his way through the face of Big Ben, holding a pot of tea in one hand and kicking a stereotypical French mime in the face. Or of Renee Dupree shoving the French flag through party boy Alex Right's chest. That to me is a European Rampage.

What we got with this game however was akin to a game of chess in an anechoic chamber, as for some reason the crowd noises from this title are completely and utterly absent. This means that while the visuals suggest a raucous crowd and the stinging 8-bit renditions of classic wrestling themes make you think you're in for an over the top time, this "wild ride" is about as exciting as being stuck in traffic.

Making matters worse is that the only sounds we do get are of digitised grunts that seem lifted from the dodgiest porno you never wanted to find, plus the fact that European Rampage holds little regard for the established rules of wrestling, letting you pin your opponent while they're face down.

To be honest with a crowd that silent maybe the wrestlers just want to hide their embarrassment face down in the canvas for a few moments. Seriously i cannot get over how horrifying this game is without crowd noises, it's like a bunch of aliens watching two people fight to the death for their amusement. Plus to top this off, pretty much every single wrestler's outfit is wrong, which is quite the trick considering all of the footage and merch in existence providing a pretty solid reference point.