3. Brian Lewis
Divert your attention to the illustrated pixel box above. This disinterested, wife beater-wearing, gun-wielder is a school principal. Would you mess with him? No. And that's why the educational system in America is so successful because teachers get sh**t done and Brian Lewis is the perfect example of a model professional when it comes to moulding the minds of our future generation. Some of you may think I'm being sarcastic, but I would point such cynics to the sterling job that Mr Lewis did at keeping the Fischer marriage afloat in 'I Am The Walrus.' By giving Hayley and Jeff a common enemy (himself) he forced them to reconcile their differences and fix their relationship, and all our crazed friend had to do was threaten them at gunpoint to clean his dishevelled house (a house he referred to as "a constant reminder of what happens if you try to strike some sense into your lady"). So, now we've been convinced that Brian's unique methods work 100% of the time without any drawbacks, we can begin to explore his chequered past. My own extravagant theory is that he used to peddle drugs in Peru for a man named Machado in return for hooch, blow, and girls - but I only think that because it was implicitly stated in the episode 'You Debt Your Life.' During this time of his existence, Lewis called himself 'El Lobo Negrón' (The Black Wolf), and now he owns 5 of the 10 SS Uniform Mickey Mouse watches in the world. This is the greatest example of a person changing over time I have ever seen. In conclusion (those two words make me feel like I'm finishing off an English essay back in college), Principal Brian Lewis represents a better age gone by. An age when you could down a six-pack whilst working with children, when you could take students out of school to count cards at a casino, and when you could describe a female colleagues butt as "Sugary sweet" without picking up a restraining order. Brian doesn't care what people think, but because the majority of his actions boarder on frenzied insanity, we can't applaud so instead we'll just put him at number 3 on the list.