How I Met Your Mother: Barney's 10 Most Brilliant Plays

5. The Special Delivery, The Kidney, & The "I Have a Pet Loch Ness Monster"

In "Weekend at Barney's" (S8E18), to prevent Ted from trying to win back his psychotic girlfriend, Jeanette (and also preventing Ted from bringing her to his wedding), Barney decides to coach Ted on some of his plays to find someone new. Setting up a command center in Ted's apartment (complete with video surveillance and radio transmitter), Barney coaches Ted on three of his plays, using codenames (Barney = Iceman, Ted = Neruda). These are all variations on the same play, so that's why they're all listed together. The Special Delivery involves Ted dressing as a delivery man and approaching a beautiful woman, telling her he has a package for the most beautiful woman in the bar. After she's flattered, Ted is supposed to say he has another package for her€”his penis. After being rejected with a drink thrown in his face, Barney insists Ted "said it wrong." The Kidney is another version of this, but this time, Ted goes into the bar in a hospital gown and tells a woman there that he's having one last drink before he donates his kidney to a sick friend. After winning the girl's sympathy, Ted objects to the next line quite vocally, but then gives in and delivers the punchline: "how about I give you a different organ€”my penis." Again he gets a drink thrown in his face and once more, Barney insists that he said it wrong. The final variation is one we don't see because the play is cut off at both ends (Robin entering the "command center" and finding the Playbook and Jeanette going up to Ted in the bar). But what we do know is The "I Have a Pet Loch Ness Monster" involves Ted dressing in a kilt and saying "my penis" in a Scottish accent.