The Apprentice: Week 3 - Find Out Who Got Fired
Another week, another candidate is fired. Did Lord Sugar make the right decision?
rating:4
So its week three of Series 8 of The Apprentice and with it came a new task, a new fire-ee, Alan Sugar upsetting me by integrating the groups so I have to learn individual names, Adam (name one, go me) disgusting the ladies at every turn to the extent that bras across the nation were burnt in protest (or maybe thats just how cold the north of Britain is, Im pretty sure it's Apprentice related though). Oh, and two new condiments. Belissimo (Im spelling it the way they did before people in Italy start to protest): a mass market table sauce which costs £4 a bottle and has a grand total of 3 bottles to sell. InFusion: An upmarket chutney which costs £4 bottle and has a prototype product which, if weaponised, could makes nuclear tensions in the middle east look like a day in the park. It was not a vintage week at all, involving a lot of dead wood highlighting and cutting before all the manic boardroom chaos begins; but it was an enjoyable one which truly makes you question the validity of this show to find the best potential business partner as they all look sodding useless. As ever, we start with Lord Sugar instructing his candidates of their task. This week, to brand and sell to the public and traders two brand new condiments. Now three weeks in to the process, Sugar decided it was time for a reshuffle. So Dwayne The Bin Man and Floppy haired project leader from week one Nick joined the girls team, Sterling, and Quiet Blonde Katie moved over to the boys team, Phoenix, where Blame Every Man But Himself Adam proceeded to take the most condescending approach to a female ever. If he isnt single hes either gay or with a woman who enjoys being treated like she has the personal capabilities of a cracker. Are you ok Katie? Do you want a hand Katie? Shes got men here to protect and help her. Good lord, Im not hugely behind feminism but this display made me feel like stealing my mothers bra and running in the streets screaming FREEDOM!, even more so as Quiet Blonde Katie was team leader; and the only one who said she would like to be. She went head to head with Dwayne The Bin Man of Stirling who did what the nation wanted him to do and completely ignore Sour Faced Jane who, although being an expert in the field, had one thing go against her and then decided to be the most miserable person since the DJ at Anne Franks birthday party. After short periods of back and forth both teams came up with their products. Sterling, a high end pineapple chilli chutney called InFusion. For Phoenix, a Mediterranean themed table sauce called Belissimo which Thinks He Could Solve Poverty, War and Hunger By Himself Steve thought of, and was so excited by that he neglected to check the spelling... No, Im NOT joking. This is the business future of our country, hopefully his business proposition doesnt involve Xylophones otherwise we might be a very confused consuming public soon. Phoenix rather charmingly tried to dance around this in the boardroom, saying Well none of the customers noticed... Well yes, youre in England, they wouldnt notice. If you take your supposed Mass market product into the mass consumers I imagine a lot of people, mainly Italians, would notice. Idiots. Rather harrowingly though, this was not the biggest mistake made in this task. Phoenix made a complete pigs ear of production, somehow only managing to produce half the amount of Sterling whose production was run by the very impressive Dwayne, much to the annoyance of Sour Faced Jane. However, despite Snake Hips Ricky (his last name is Martin, its almost too easy) almost destroying Phoenixs production, his blushes were somewhat saved by the fact InFusions first sample was so hauntingly gross that they didnt get a sample off to Floppy Haired Nick for the pre-arranged pitch. The buyer described this as Probably the first time in history something like this has happened. It sounds over the top, but it isnt, its an understatement really. Its quite funny really, this wasnt a vintage episode of The Apprentice yet all these ludicrous things happened. However, sadly, things picked up when it came to sales. Both Quiet Blonde Katies team sales to the public for Phoenix, and Floppy Haired Nicks team selling to the trade for Sterling, did very well. Deals were secured for large amounts of condiment very early on. Dwaynes public team sales were disappointing to begin with, and Nothing Interesting To Say About Him Michaels sub team for Phoenix were atrocious, terrible to negotiate with and didnt complete all of their diminished sales. The day finished, rather unsurprisingly with a Sterling victory. Making double the amount that Phoenix did with, rather damningly, twice the product ready to sell. In the boardroom battle, blame quite rightly fell on the production and the sub team sellers, with Snake Hips Ricky and Nothing Interesting To Say About Him Michael coming in with Katie, who quite frankly performed admirably on the day. She had less product to sell which wasnt her fault, she quite rightly then raised the price of her product to stay competitive and her team of sellers cleared their stock. Lord Alan pointed towards the production being the undoing of the team which Snake Hips Ricky was in charge with. Unfortunately for Michael, though, Snake Hips Ricky was not going to go down without battling like a Gladiator against a lion in the coliseum claiming that his rescuing of 21 bottles of produce was on a par with actually saving Private Ryan. He also cited issues like If we had made more it still wouldnt have been sold and No-one told me I was supposed to make as much as possible which, although ridiculous, were loud and boisterously put across to the extent that poor Michael was left defenceless and, after not contributing anything the last three weeks, he was on the end of Lord Sugars finger. --- Fired: Nothing Interesting To Say About Him Michael. Was It The Right Decision? In my opinion, no. Sugar said himself that production was the flaw and Snake Hips Ricky was in charge of that. The fact he makes better television is irrelevant, based on this task he should have gone. Although in fairness to Michael, he looked like a weak candidate and was never going to last very long. This Week's Valuable Lesson: Spell check is a valuable tool.