The average hardcore wrestling fan has probably seen thousands of matches in their lifetime. Even the casual one has likely seen hundreds. In how many matches in the past two decades has a bodyslam, suplex, or headlock been the move to put someone away? Yet time after time the announcers shout that This could be it! After calling matches for years you'd think they'd know better than anyone that a dropkick isn't going to pin anyone. Their excitement is also confusing, and annoying for the trademark moves of wrestlers. Every time Dolph Ziggler goes for the Famouser, or Wade Barrett hits Winds of Change, the announcers freak out and exclaim that the match is about to end. It never happens! It would be one thing if WWE changed up their policy of matches only ending by a finishing move or roll-up. Then it would make sense, and matches would be more exciting by letting us think a finish could come out of anywhere. But thats not the case. Another frustrating aspect of announcing is the reverse psychology of the commentators. If they scream that someone is about to win a title, you can be 99.9% sure that the fallen opponent will kick out. But if the commentator is silent? We have ourselves a winner. Once you catch on to their quirks it hurts the drama of the match because the announcers ruin the nearfalls. Its all in an attempt to trick us, but if youve seen more than a handful of matches, then youve probably figured it out. The only one really being fooled is Vince, by thinking that he's smarter than us.
As Rust Cohle from True Detective said "Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you're good at."
Sadly, I can't solve a murder like Rust...or change a tire, or even tie a tie. But I do know all the lyrics to Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme song and can easily name every Natural Born Thriller from the dying days of WCW. I was once ranked 21st in the United States in Tetris...on the Playstation 3 version...for about a week.
Follow along @AndrewSoucek and check out my podcast at wrestlingwithfriends.com
