The Disturbing Truth Behind Paul Heyman’s WWE RAW

The Cedric Alexander = buried narrative is exhausting. But to summarise as best as can be mustered, if this isn’t a burial, and the Dave Meltzer Derangement Syndrome crowd are right, it’s hardly a f*cking push: Cedric has stared at the lights for AJ Styles on three consecutive occasions this month, which might be fine. Perhaps the idea was only ever to test or profile Cedric as a why-not experiment. But the manner of those losses is telling; Styles defeated him on the Clash of Champions Kickoff, in under five minutes, without the interference of his O.C. stablemates. Cedric is barely competitive. He isn’t bringing the sort of fight that might mark him as one to watch. He is simply a guy AJ Styles beats all the time.

Cedric also, of course, is a mastermind: as Gary ‘The Goat’ Garbut—and this incomprehensible disaster of an angle headlined RAW, which essentially proves that there was, past tense, an initiative to get him over—he lost a match and thought he was a genius. But you didn’t know who you were beating, Drew McIntyre, you fool!

Cedric Alexander couldn’t pin the tail on the f*cking donkey, and that’s not a burial? OK. Heyman has 50/50’d his character arc. That’s familiar.

Also familiar is the second (!) cuck storyline Heyman penned to close this week’s episode. That bears repeating: Paul Heyman has scripted two storylines in which the larger-than-life WWE Superstars TM have been cuckolded by their wives. That’s not strictly true: neither Mike Kanellis nor Rusev appear to have derived any sexual pleasure from this. But the point remains: Paul Heyman has a very strange “thing” for emasculating the roster. He has done this twice.

There are more cucks on RAW than over babyfaces.

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