WWE RAW Review: The Weirdest Contract Signing Ever Edition

WWE-RAW Last night€™s RAW was a bizarre one. From the strange opening segment to the Fifty Shades of Grey-eque contract signing, last night€™s episode felt all over the place. Thankfully, some very solid wrestling took place to make up for the weirdness throughout. The WWE also put on a great mid-card title match that I cannot wait to talk about. They also did more of the same that I have been complaining about since this columns inception. Here we go, another week, another RAW review! OPENING SEGMENT Whenever I hear John Cena€™s €œSHBABBADOOO€ entrance start at the beginning of RAW, I immediately try to fast forward live TV. John Cena opening a show is the worst. You know it€™s going to take way too long to get going and you run the risk of hearing either Preacher Cena (I DO IT FOR THESE PEOPLE EVERY NIGHT!) or Lame Joke Cena (I€™M GONNA TALK LIKE YODA NOW). Last night, it was Preacher Cena. He needs his redemption at Wrestlemania and he€™s going to get it. He also liked showing us that his new shirt is yellow. The production crew also couldn€™t resist showing the €œCena Twins€ (the two little boys who are held by their dad the entire show and wear matching Cena gear). I can€™t keep track if those twins are the same one that show up different places or are the same. Regardless, they don€™t look like they€™ve aged which leads me to believe their parents are storing them in Tupperware to keep them from aging ala Eerie, Indiana. 90€™s references aside, this was a typical John Cena opening segment promo and it was terrible. Then, it suddenly got awesome. The Primetime Players came out and challenged John Cena. Titus O€™Neil continues to be hilarious and one of the bright spots of the show every week. I enjoyed his non-sensical portrayal of Rufus Pancake Patterson. I genuinely laughed at his €œJohn Cena is on the box of Fruity Pebbles, well, there€™s no reason my boy Darren Young can€™t be on the box of Cocoa Pebbles€ joke. Anyway, Darren Young wants to prove that he is ready for Mania by taking out Cena. And that match starts€RIGHT NOW!-Teddy Long JOHN CENA VS DARREN YOUNG John Cena wins because John Cena. This wasn€™t much of a match. I also didn€™t understand why they put a commercial break in the middle of the match, only to send it home immediately after coming back from the break. John Cena shouldn€™t be losing when he€™s on the Road to Wrestlemania. I get it. It€™s just so weird to get the Primetime Players involved in it. Good for the Primetime Players though to get some premium TV time.
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I'm a 31 year old writer and stand-up comedian from the good ol' USA. I graduated from the University of Southern Indiana with a degree in Communications that I use to to write jokes on the internet. I'm an avid gamer, media consumer, and pro wrestling fan. I'm also the co-host of the podcast Pop Culture Pizza Party, available on iTunes and Spotify