5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Vs. Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters
Oh, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The creations of Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman that started off as parodies of Frank Miller-style heroes and
Ronin. After many deals with the Devil merchandisers and media companies, they somehow morphed into corny n' colourful cartoon characters who had a vocabulary as limited as Geoffrey 'Dude' Lebowski
and are now in the clutches of Michael Bay, who has decided to make them aliens. Because drinking the tears of
Transformers fans isn't enough for Michael Bay, oh no. Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters was a parody of TMNT, wherein four hamsters are propelled into space by NASA to defeat radioactive goop, and then crash land near Tibet, where they learn martial arts. It's like
Batman Begins except instead of flying rats we have nuked quasi-rats.
Who Wins: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Lets face it, in the height of their popularity, in the early 90's, they were everywhere. They had movies, Pizza Hut deals, snacks called 'Pizza Crunchabungas', and had a concert tour in 1990 where they rocked out to tunes such as 'Cowabunga', 'Coming Out of Our Shells', and 'Pizza Power'. Two things are evident, my friends. Firstly, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, we get it, you like pizza. Secondly, you're whores. But the only thing worse than being a whore? A whore that whores off the profits of other whores. And Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters are just that. They are a weak parody of a parody. In fact, why are we even talking about this? Michelangelo is named after the man who painted the Sistine Chapel. Clint, of ARBBH, is named after a guy that went from headlining the Dirty Harry films to talking to a chair. The hamsters look like dildos that have raisins stuck to them, with the creepy bony feet of Great Aunt Ethel. Now look whats happened, Ive written the words dildo and Great Aunt Ethel into the same sentence. Lets just stop. Just stop. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles win by a long margin.