10 Happy Endings To Improve Depressing Movies

by Benjamin Richardson

1. Chinatown

Chinatown 1974 20 G
Paramount Pictures

What Actually Happens

There's something foul in the water in Los Angeles, so top sleuth Jake Gittes drives back and forth across the county to find the source of the corruption. All he gets for his troubles are a dead lover, disbelieving police force, and really silly looking bandage on his nose.

In the end, he takes the advice of a friend and forgets about it.

What Should Happen

First and foremost, Jake finds a much less ridiculous-looking solution for his snipped honker.

During the showdown in Chinatown, a set of competent cops show up, who not only believe Gittes and arrest the nefarious Noah Cross, but avoid shooting his daughter dead. Jake drives off with his belle, vowing to remember the whole ordeal in intricate detail so he can spin it into a best-selling crime novel.

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Editorial Team
Editorial Team

Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know). He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.