3. Fifty Shades of Grey
What Is It?: The first in a series of erotic novels about the relationship between a young female college graduate and a young businessman, famed for its explicit depictions of BDSM, when in reality, it's just a fanciful tome for middle-class people who aren't comfortable with their sexuality.
And It's Weird Because...?: It's not exactly Shakespeare now, is it? Anyone who's read even a page of the dreck knows that it's written with all the panache of a slack-jawed teenager, and wouldn't a movie version of this basically be porn anyway? Furthermore, the whole idea of turning it into a commercial film betrays what the book is about; you just know that the studios would turn it into a PG-13 outing - especially if they cast either Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson as rumoured - and it'd essentially be like a soft-core porn flick on the big screen. The project oddly attracted talented filmmakers like Angelina Jolie and Gus Van Sant, yet the studio settled on Sam Taylor-Wood, while casting has yet to be confirmed, even though the release date is set for little over a year away - August 1st, 2014. I expect nothing less than an unmitigated disaster.