10 Stupidly Awful Gaming Prisons Staffed By Total Idiots

4. Castle Dour Dungeon €“ Skyrim

I suppose leaving a pick in the cell is bad enough, but I'm willing to let Skyrim's jailers off for that. Inmates are nothing if not supremely inventive €“ I once saw a documentary which said that they could make a shank out of naught but newspaper and human fear, so it's only natural to assume that some their Macgyvering skills would make it intact into the fantastical, dragon-laden past. It's only natural you might miss something the size of a pin when inspecting a prisoner or their cell. But what I can't abide are two things €“ not properly researching who they banged up, and not checking the cell for structural weaknesses. It's Solitude that fall foul of the second criticism €“ as the region's capital, and with that title you'd expect a higher level of security, not a wall you can knock down with little more than a harsh glare. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm sure rule number one of prison design is to make sure there's four solid walls housing the inmate, not three walls and a convenient escape tunnel. Especially not an escape tunnel which allows you to pick up your appropriated belongings from what must be the medieval equivalent of a drive-through window. How nice. On the other side of the coin, there's the chaps who imprison mages without realising that they don't really need a weapon to ruin your day. Admittedly, robbed of their extravagant finery and clad in fetching rags, their mana stockpile will be greatly reduced and far less quick to regenerate. But still, to paraphrase the words of Eminem (who I'm 75 percent sure doesn't exist in the Elder Scrolls universe, tragically), you only need one shot to immolate the poor b*stard who's been sent to guard you, and hot damn, is it fun to take it. Frankly, they deserved it. If you're going to imprison a man dressed as the Archmage of Winterfell for exploderising the first guard who made that arrow-in-the-knee crack, you shouldn't be surprised when he turns the dungeon into a walking thunderdome rife with lightning, loud noises and magical beasties. Combine that with the fact the guards took a leaf from the Tomb Raider book and open the cell door to fight you, and you're practically honour-bound to obliterate everything. Stupid muggles.