8 Video Game Items That Are 100% USELESS

A weapon that everyone in the game is immune to? Glad I bothered.

castlevania symphony of the night

If you find yourself in the questionably strange situation of being a video game item, you might start to question your reality and purpose in life.

As you trundle down the "Video Game Item Generator" production line (a name that was created with about the same effort as farting in your sleep) you might look around at the other oddities that are fast approaching their respective titles.

You may see weapons of legend that can cut entire mountains in two, strange devices that let the user manipulate time and space, or even cute and cuddly toys that for some unknown reason possess the ability to obliterate humanity (I'm looking at you Lulu's Dolls from FFX), and in doing so you might question what use you may offer a prospective hero.

As you move through the "Video Game Identifier" (Seriously was no thought put into this either?) you see your purpose flash up on the screen.

"Void. Error. Missing Information. Cut Before Launch. Useless"

Whoops! Looks like the devs made a bit of an error and now you're being slapped into the game with about as much use as a parking sensor that says "a little bit more" only when it's collided with another car. You're a video game item that's 100% useless, and the worst thing is, is that you're not alone.

8. Moogle - Final Fantasy Adventure

castlevania symphony of the night
Square Enix

God Bless the humble Moogle.

Despite competing with the likes of the Chocobo, the Cactuar and the adorably deadly Tonberry, the Moogle is by far and away the cutest thing ever to exist in the Final Fantasy Universe.

Yet despite all of their cutesy aesthetics the life of a Moogle isn't always sunshine and Rainbow Rhythms my friend, for in the Game Boy title Final Fantasy Adventure not only is becoming a Moogle considered a curse, but it's also one that you can't even cure with items designed specifically to remedy it!

I know there are many, many things that would be worse to be turned into, but being a Moogle doesn't exactly make you a supreme combat specialist, reducing your attack and defense stats all the way to "well that's just hilarious" levels. Therefore when you've got one of the many, many Final Fantasy villains eyeing you up like you'd make a lovely pair of Moogle slippers, it's probably in your best interest to change things back to normal.

This is where the Moogle Potion should really come into play, yet thanks to the rather bizarre quirk of the player not being able to use items in the Moogle form and there being no way to get others to do the job for you, it becomes a potentially useful item rendered utterly useless by your stupid Moogle hands. I'm sorry they're adorable little mittens, but goddammit stop being so useless!


Jules Gill hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.