Dungeons And Dragons: 10 Abysmal Magical Items

Looking at the Apparatus of Kwalish, you'd be forgiven for assuming someone made a magic item in D&D using a Mad Libs format. This is a 500-lb. barrel that has 10 levers inside that can turn into a lobster-shaped submarine. That is a sentence I was forced to write for this article and I kind of hate myself.

The problems with this thing are numerous. The weight of course being one. It's considered a large barrel, which means that it likely won't fit in any extradimensional containers you have such as the Bag of Holding. You're going to be stuck lugging around this quart-ton beast likely with Tenser's Floating Disk or you'll need to invest in a horse-and-cart just to justify its existence.

There are ten levers inside, with no discernable instructions on how to operate them. Again, the Dungeon Master might be generous and provide you that if you use an Identify spell, but then again it may become a comical trial-and-error item.

Two people can fit inside the barrel with 10 hours of breathing air, while it can be used to go underwater to a depth of 900 feet. Also, did I mentioned it's lobster-shaped in this positon? And you can use its claws to do attacks? To its credit, it has a high armor class and hit points, which can make a good vehicle for characters to take underwater, but ONLY two characters.

Worst of all, it's a legendary item. LEGENDARY! On par with big boys like the Holy Avenger, the aforementioned Sphere of Annihilation, or the Armor of Invulnerability. I'm sure a good deal of thought and planning went into this crustacean abomination; I'm just not sure why.