4. The Emperor - A Boy And His Blob: Trouble On Blobolonia
A Boy And His Blob is such a very, very odd game.
In this NES classic and the recently remade version which dropped the Trouble On Blobolonia tag, you play as a young lad who befriends a rather gooey alien with an overwhelming fondness for jelly beans. It's as adorable as it sounds, albeit the NES versions graphics really look like you were befriending a portly snowman who'd done one too many shrooms at Woodstock than the loveable marshmallow that was fully realized in the remake.
So I hear you cry out, what is it that you actually do in this game? Well, It's hard to call the title a platformer or a puzzle game because it's a weird blend of both, in fact, it should fall entirely within a new genre that we're going to term a "blob 'em up" because that's pretty much your one solution to every challenge the game presents you.
Need to smush an enemy? - Blob it. Need to grab that object? - best to blob it fam. Need a creepy body double to take your place at school while you go smoke ciggie with the 6th Formers behind the Chemistry labs? You....er....probably need to get your priorities in check but you BEST BELIEVE YOU CAN ALSO BLOB IT.
In fact, you might end up having so much blobbin' fun that you may forget that the final boss battle against The Emperor in the original title is an absolute gunk of funk that is as much fun as chewing on liposuction offcuts. Looking like one of those deep sea creatures that are turned to blancmange by rising to the surface and with a grimace that suggests he can taste himself, The Emperor poses a threat to the player by....looking at them with a mean glare, and little else.
I mean how can you contend with this GLOWER POWER? What can you do? Well...I mean....you could take full advantage of the fact that The Emperor has placed himself next to a tonne of vitamins that are the only thing that can harm him.
Talk about poor placement my dude.
And what's this? The pills are placed on a see-saw that can be knocked directly into him, killing the Big Bad Blob in one hit? I just..wh-what's going on with this room layout? This is less fung shui and more for fungs sake man don't stand adjacent to the one thing that can literally end your life!
And just like that, the battle is over and you're left feeling very confused and likely more than a little disappointed with this encounter.