These Mini-Games SUCK!

When it comes to abysmal mini-games, you'd think that the Final Fantasy franchise, thanks to its whopping tenure, might have more than a few unsightly boils on its mass, but strangely enough for the amount that are included only a few miss the mark.

Admittedly though when they do go wide they are stinkers on a level of a used nappy dump being merged with an abattoir, as the atrocious skipping mini-game in Final Fantasy 9 can attest to. Seriously that game was legitimately broken, making for a game that was rigged from the start!

Well, draw out another rope because I'm going to be pushing it talking about Bliztball as this utterly kills my boner stone dead. YET, before you use said rope to make a noose my size, I'm not actually talking about Blitzball from Final Fantasy X, but instead, I'm having a right old moan about the absolute spreadsheet masturbators dry dream that was the Blitzball present in Final Fantasy X-2.

Now my biggest gripe with the original iteration was that while the action was fun, it felt surprisingly shallow for a game that was based entirely inside a watery sphere. Move Tidus up, Jecht Shot II rinse repeat. However, the last thing I think anyone wanted was for the devs to scale BACK from that action to a football manager sim.

Here the action plays out on auto with you making minor switches here and there, and the action is represented by a mess of triangles that looks like if Asteroids mated with the multi-ball feature. As a result, this mini-game was sapped of any emotional connection and boiled down to stats and a bit of rng. If you got a laugh out of this version then you were likely the kid that burned ants with a magnifying glass, as this was utterly chaotic and no fun for anyone involved.