6. The Not-So-Rose-Colored Glasses
Season 3, Episode 13: 24 December 1971 Jan's grades are already taking a hit by the time she takes the wrong bicycle home one day. It's determined that her eyesight is the culprit, leading to another timeless Brady exchange: "Oh mom no, not glasses... I'll look positively goofy!" No wonder those grades were suffering if she couldn't even see a bicycle properly. Meanwhile, the kids have frocked up in their Sunday best and headed off to the flamboyant photographer Gregory Gaylord. They're all arranged in front of a lovely gold lamé curtain to have a Dad-funded giant kid portrait taken, as a present to Mom for their second wedding anniversary (which, by the time this is broadcast, was actually several months earlier - it's the thought that counts). Shortly after the portrait is delivered and hidden in the back corner of the garage - coz Carol will cleary never have a reason to look for anything there - Jan takes possession of her glasses. Eager to impress Bernie Macguire, the new apple of her poorly performing eye, she sets off for school on her (or someone's) bicycle and leaves her glasses in her bag. Remember - without those things on, this is a girl who can't even identify one bicycle from another! Somehow she manages to get to school and back in one piece - albeit squinting the whole way - but just when it seems she's going to come out of it unscathed the true horror of her macular degeneration becomes clear: not only can she no longer tell one bike from another when they're right in front of her, but she's also lost virtually 100% of her depth perception. She glides into the driveway on a Bernie-inspired high, blithely unaware that the back wall of the garage is getting closer and closer and... CRASH! Jan's OK. The bike (whoever's it is) is OK. But the kid portrait's smashed to pieces. How can they raise the cash to get a new photo taken in time? But they do and it's all ready to be presented to Mom on the day of the three-months-late anniversary. When eagle-eyed Dad notes that Jan wasn't wearing glasses when they had the photo taken, she has to fess up to the whole sordid affair. Dad tries to ground her by saying she can't ride her bicycle for a fortnight, but Jan proves once again that she's the Bradyest Brady who ever lived. She did the only thing she could to get the money for the replacement pic - no not that, but she did sell her beloved bicycle. Not only does Mike not ground her, he also tells her they'll find a way of buying the bike back. Clearly, proactively righting your own wrongs is the best way to get Papa Brady on side. She didn't end up looking all that goofy in the end either although, miracle of miracles, for someone with such dangerously degraded eyesight it took less than two years to rectify and she didn't have to wear the glasses any more. A triumph of function over fashion!
