The Big Show? More like The Big Sleep! And not the classic Humphrey Bogart film, Im saying Show is the wrestling version of a bottle of NyQuil. For starters, weve just seen so, so much of him since his WWE debut in 1999 that it would take weeks to watch all his matches. You probably wouldn't make it out of that marathon alive. Show has had the most SmackDown matches of all time, the sixth most Raw matches, and the fifth most pay-per-view matches. Sometimes a guy just doesnt need that much Big Show. Though hes 42-years-old, it doesnt look like WWE is cutting back on his schedule. That's not good for anyone. What makes him such a chore to watch is how similar all of his matches are. Show is simply too big to have back-and-forth competitive matches with his opponents. There are very few people on the roster that can even lift him up, which means even the offense used against him is very limited and redundant. Kick, punch, dropkick, repeat. An overhead belly-to-belly suplex or gorilla press slam is simply out of the question. Also, unlike every other professional wrestler in history in history, Big Show doesnt even punch his opponents in the face. His matches consist of 75% gut punches, 20% headbutts, and 4% general tomfoolery before he hits the KO punch. Id rather he KO Punch me before one of his matches, so I wouldnt have to suffer through it!
As Rust Cohle from True Detective said "Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you're good at."
Sadly, I can't solve a murder like Rust...or change a tire, or even tie a tie. But I do know all the lyrics to Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme song and can easily name every Natural Born Thriller from the dying days of WCW. I was once ranked 21st in the United States in Tetris...on the Playstation 3 version...for about a week.
Follow along @AndrewSoucek and check out my podcast at wrestlingwithfriends.com
