The WORST Wrestling Story Every Year (1989-2025)

2012 - John Cena Vs. John Laurinaitis

For much of the 21st century, WWE’s business model was ‘Austin Vs. McMahon again: who cares if it makes no sense, we don’t know what else to do’.

How could an authority figure, even an idiotic heel, possibly have a problem with John Cena?

John Cena was the model WWE independent contractor. Nobody better defined the term workhorse, since he was a shoot animal, returning from major injuries in record time. He sold merchandise by the warehouse. He was such a big draw when there were so few others that WWE offered refunds for the few nights he couldn’t make it into work. His perception with the public was so strong, resulting from his incredible efforts with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, that he almost single handedly cleaned up WWE’s public image. He only entertained the idea of going to Hollywood when his body was battered and WWE had lined up a replacement: Roman Reigns, for whom he would do the honours at No Mercy 2017. Love him, hate him: John Cena wasn’t just a mascot for the company. He was practically a mark. A promoter’s dream.

He feuded with Laurinaitis in 2012, because who cares if it makes no sense: they didn’t know what else to do.

Literally everything about this reeked, even the timing. Cena defeated a returning Brock Lesnar just for this, a mean-spirited, wildly unfunny comedy feud, when 1) Lesnar needed the win, and 2) Cena was meant to be experiencing his annus horribilis to sell his return match against the Rock at WrestleMania 29.

Cena’s wretched stand-up promos were never worse than here. Big Johnny was the recipient of his infamous ‘Star Wars’ retelling - the sort of cringeworthy nonsense that positioned WWE below snuff in the tier of artistic merit. The match at Over The Limit was one of the worst comedy attractions ever, an excuse for John Cena to be a hammy bully d*ckweed.