WWE WrestleMania 34: Predicting The Quality Of All 14 Matches

9. John Cena Vs. The Undertaker

Aj Styles Shinsuke Nakamura Wwe
WWE.com

It is happening.

WWE.com just stopped short of creating a match graphic, opting to create the above pseudo-graphic instead which, hilariously, is more than the company bothered to do for the Cruiserweight contest. 'Will The Undertaker return to battle John Cena at WrestleMania?' reads the headline, published after Monday's RAW, on which Cena gave up. He said he'd never do that!

A novel method of promotion only possible in the Network Era, the match is shrouded in mystery. Undertaker will appear - but which Undertaker? Given the dire physical condition in which 'Taker entered WrestleMania 33, the Kid Rock-driven rumour that 'Taker may don the American Badass guise is apt, since he was sh*te then, too. That will annoy fans of the character, but re-watch the King Of The Ring 2002 main event with rose-tinted glasses removed. It was awful. Streak Undertaker was truly a 'Phenom'. 1996-1997 Undertaker earned the nickname in the first instance. The American Badass was awful.

The Predicted Star Rating is a low one, by their respective standards, because the precedent of recent history demands it. Your author would love and acknowledge a return to form, the best crack at which surely manifests as a 12 minute highlight reel padded out by old carny tricks.

Predicted Star Rating: **1/2

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!