What People Will Say: You're a pervert who needs to get out more! This one is, admittedly, pretty indefensible. Sure, you can say all you like that the allure of playing Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball is the brilliant beach volleyball physics and gameplay mechanics, but we all know the real reason anyone plays this game - it's a very different kind of physics! Apparently these games have an entire development team devoted to ensuring that the breast physics are "authentic", though anyone who has played these games knows that they are wildly exaggerated in that regard. The problem is that if your mother, or really, anyone, walks in on you playing this, they're going to assume you're some sort of grizzled, hormonal teenager, and that you're simply not getting out enough. Given the nature of the game - which has no story, and is focused entirely on women prancing about in bikinis - they might actually be right.
Frequently sleep-deprived film addict and video game obsessive who spends more time than is healthy in darkened London screening rooms. Follow his twitter on @ShaunMunroFilm or e-mail him at shaneo632 [at] gmail.com.