10 Stupidly Awful Gaming Prisons Staffed By Total Idiots

7. Prison Cell €“ Metal Gear Solid

I suppose the Metal Gear series has more than a few daft prison escapes, but in the interests of fairness and variety, I've gone for only one, and that's the original. Yes, the others are all idiotic in their own way, but Snake Eater's jail was actually a pretty slickly-run place when it came down to it and as for Sons Of Liberty, I think a coherent prison policy was the least of their worries come the ferret-juggling lunacy of the final act. So I've gone for the first €“ it's possibly the Citizen Kane of videogame prison escapes, but god, that doesn't mean it's not stupid. I guess this all comes down to what you think of Johnny Sasaki's presence in what's supposed to be a formidable fighting machine. There's always a bad apple in a large enough cohort of soldiers, but Sasaki's now-legendary incompetence isn't really helped by how his commanding officer assigned him. If you do have a weak link, it's usually best to put him somewhere where he can't really do any damage, and when he was just having to guard the DARPA chief's corpse, you could say they'd done their allocations superbly. But when it came time to guard the legendary Solid Snake, a distinguished war hero cloned from the DNA of the world's greatest soldier, it's surely time to put Sasaki on cooking duties and place your best guy on post, or at least a guy with functioning bowels. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not bowel-ist €“ having a dicky stomach doesn't stop anyone from being great. But when it's tempered by chronic gullibility, there's surely a limit to the amount of rope you can give the guy. After all, it's a pretty incompetent guard who can be fooled by a prisoner hiding under the bed or lathering themselves in tomato ketchup, but this is exactly what happens to Johnny. Frankly, if he gets flummoxed by an everyday condiment and a man hiding in possibly the only place a cell allows, he simply doesn't deserve his hired goon paycheck. For god's sake man, at least shut the door if you're going into a room with a neck-snapper extraordinaire. If you don't, you deserve all that's coming to you.