7. Hired Goons Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake EaterPicture the scene. Youre Colonel Volgin, all-round brute and head of one of the USSRs most feared units, GRU. Youre keen to stage a coup detat, and youve even enlisted the help of the deadliest mercenary group known to man, COBRA. So far, everythings looking good for you. Youve kidnapped your scientist, youve got bottomless cash reserves and youre sitting on a nuclear stockpile. But obviously, even with the COBRAs and the Ocelot Unit, youve only got enough soldiers to fill a medium-sized bus. As talented as these guys may be, that doesnt exactly make you a threat. So what do you do? You hire in some soldiers! Really, Id love to know the recruitment policy behind the hired goons in Metal Gear Solid. Not only are they easily foxed by pornography, knocking sounds and cardboard boxes, but they seem to lack a key attribute of any highly trained soldier absolutely none of them could swim. They're literally carbon copies of your dim college room-mate. Seriously, shove one in the water and watch what happens. In fact, Ill tell you what happens he dies, embarrassingly. Id hope that if youre looking after the interests of one of the most ambitious schemes ever seen, youd at least make sure you had a good recruitment and human resources department. Maybe those things didnt exist in the 60s, but surely common sense did? The best thing about this armys water-incompetence is that its not even a secret. When you put a soldier in a sleeper hold and interrogate him, press him long enough and hell eventually tell you that everyone in his company cant swim. Its just seems like a giant conspiracy, with a bunch of slackers all falsifying their CVs so they can get steady work exactly like your college room-mate. How were they to know they were going to be targeted by one of the deadliest soldiers alive?