8 Video Game Goons You Felt Awful For WASTING

7. A Cancer Free Security Guard - Hitman Absolution

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Square Enix

Now I won't lie to you friends, the goons present throughout the Hitman games must be protected at all costs.

While the franchise started out with thugs and humorless grunts guarding corrupt and evil politicians and gangsters, in its current iteration they have far more personality than the old barcoded slaphead that we play as. Listening to guards banter back and forth, share jokes, and even smash the fourth wall to pieces as they question why their guard route takes them to a dead end, the guards, goons and henchmen are a true highlight, which makes killing them abjectly sad.

That being said, there is one goon in particular who you will feel downright awful for killing, who is found in the opening mission "A Personal Contract" from Hitman Absolution.

Here, as Agent 47 is stealthing his way through the grounds of a sunkissed manor, he'll come across a window in which stands a Security Guard on the phone. He's speaking to his doctor about a recent diagnosis and reveals excitedly that he doesn't have prostate cancer, which as you can imagine must be a huge relief.

It's a shame then that he's positioned in a manner where we can relieve him of his life as well, with the game not so subtlety hinting that he needs to be chucked out of this window so we can proceed, even if launching him by his tie is going to feel pretty terrible all things considered.

Well, it only gets worse once you realise you could have actually just waited five seconds and he walks off on his merry way, content to live his life to the fullest. You absolute monster.

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Jules Gill hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.