Final Fantasy 7 Remake: 8 Things NOBODY Wants To Admit

Padding is all well and good when it is wrapped around a delicate ornament shipped several thousand miles from the opposite side of the world, on the presumption that you're not expected to display said padding on your mantelpiece once you've opened the box. This metaphor largely describes the FFVII Remake experience - an excellent, occasionally outstanding game - swaddled in so much colourless material.

The argument is that, between the main story beats imported from the original, Square-Enix needed to flesh the game out. Which is fine, except it doesn't hold up unless we also accept they needed to flesh it out with some exceptionally dull, repetitive diversions.

Not all the new material falls foul of this: the trip to the Shinra depot and the expansion of Wall Market are welcome additions, which enhance, not hinder the story. Splodging through the sewers a second time - and fighting the same boss! - or playing the world's worst third-person shooter in Shinra's underground research facility do not.

And as for Hojo's Drum, why, I simply wanted to die during that floor. What a way to crush the pace of one of FFVII's finest segments.

Then there's the inane side-quests - we'll cover those in detail - and the long, forced walking sections (even if they are designed to mask background loading). Why do we have to hold down triangle to activate a button? Is it because other games have done it, and Square-Enix didn't understand it's a trick to disambiguate player mistakes? Or is it just another way to minutely spool out the process?