These Wrestling Video Games SUCK!

5. Royal Rumble - Dreamcast

These Wrestling Games Suck
Yukes

The Royal Rumble might well be one of the best match types ever made.

30 wrestlers (or 50 depending on if you have the Saudi Oil Money TM to twist Vince's arm and nipple respectively) descend to the ring in order to throw each and every other person out of it over the top rope and be the last person standing. It's the sort of controlled chaos that makes for exceptional TV, freewheeling through comedy spots, hardcore beatdowns, shocking cameos, and monstrously grand victories.

Which makes it all the more disappointing that the Royale Rumble game for the Dreamcast was like a sinking ship of ass in an ocean of lukewarm sick. Everything and I means everything sucks about this game, from it's graphics that look like cardboard boxes slathered in fake tan, to the controls that feel like wading through hard cheddar, it's at once a sticky affair but with controls that feel looser than my stools after an all you can eat laxative contest.

Yet the most horrendous sin this title commits is the fact that due to a roster size as deep as John Cena's move repertoire, there aren't enough wrestlers to fill out all 30 entrances so they end up repeating over and over. That's right in a game centred around one match type, and one match type only, Royal Rumble for the Dreamcast GETS THE CORE CONCEPT WRONG.

I don't know what's worse, the fact that this happened in the first place or the fact that now I'm forced to watch New Years Baby Big Show hoof his poorly rendered rump to the ring again and again. It's a face that only a mother could throw boiling water on I tell you that. This was not a Royale with cheese, this was a dirty napkin that's been deepfried down a back alley chippy.

 
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Jules Gill hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.