10 Things Only First Time Fathers Understand

Regardless of whatever macho, overly masculine, alpha-male cack that you regurgitate when you’re out with your mates, it’s a truth self-evident that when it comes to spending time with your newborn son or daughter you’re a gooey, pathetic, dribbly, fawning mess. Everything your offspring does draws tears of joy, laughter, worry, fear and such pure, undiluted love that you’ll completely question your entire masculinity.

And let’s be clear, this is one of the most important things about being a good dad: you stop being so much of an obnoxious male, realise the entire universe doesn’t revolve around you and never has, and begin to acknowledge some form of responsibility in your life.

That’s the theory anyway. The Jeremy Kyle show seems to suggest otherwise. But the male of the species seems to generally insist on acting with misguided machismo to the detriment of the entire human race and bubbling or gushing at the sight of your kid is clearly a step in the right direction of rectifying this blithering stupidity.