Tottenham Hotspur Kings of North London: Weekend Premier League Review

Saturday lunch time saw all focus turned to the North West as Everton hosted Merseyside rivals Liverpool in the match to end all matches, as the heavens and the earth collapse into one obliterating the very fabric of space and time leaving existence as non-existence, the universe in an eternal, silent darkness. Well that's if the Sky Sports adverts were to be believed any way. It was unfortunate that this contest was essentially ended after just 23 minutes when the promising Jack Rodwell was sent from the field for what didn't even look like a foul. Silly referee point to Martin Atkinson, diving, cheating smug git point to Luis Suarez too. Suarez too brought about a first half penalty for the Reds after a clumsy tackle from Phil Jagielka inside the box. Up stepped Dirk Kuyt, a man with a face to cause any mother post-natal depression, to kindly miss. So on came the second half and it was Andy Carroll's time to remind us that when he's not drinking, eating pastry based foodstuffs and smacking people he's a fairly decent player. The big Geordie was instrumental in much of Liverpool's forward play with the Everton defence finding it particularly hard to contain him. Scoring his first league goal of the season, Carroll combined well with fellow former Newcastle boy Jose Enrique, smacking home the Spaniard's cross. The game was wrapped up in the 82nd minute after some woeful defending from Distin allowed Luis Suarez to score and celebrate underneath a shower of plastic bottles and hub caps. On a slightly selfish note, Distin is in my fantasy team, so I'm very bloody angry about that. Sunday afternoon saw the second of the weekend's derbies as Tottenham welcomed Arsenal to White Hart Lane. Games between the North London pair are always packed with drama, this match being fuelled by former Arsenal man Emmanuel Adebayor's first game against them for their biggest rivals. Arsenal, after a terrible start by their standards, were looking to get their season back on track after winning last week at home and then in midweek in the Champions League. Spurs on the other hand went into this fixture having won their last three Premiership games in a row. It was joy for the Lilywhites again as they beat the Gunners 2-1 in a scrappy contest. Rafael Van Der Vaart opened the scoring following a magnificent pass from Adebayor, which the Dutchman then definitely didn't control with his arm €“ honest €“ before shaping up to slot home. Arsenal had decent spells of possession but rarely threatened, going closest after neat work from Van Persie brought a terrible miss from the lively Gervinho. It wasn't until early in the second half that Alex Song exploited the yards of space left for him on the right of Tottenham's half to cross to Welshman Aaron Ramsey for the equalizer. Neither side took a strong grip of the game, but Spurs started to look the stronger of the two and cemented their win after a screamer from Kyle Walker sent the crowd wild. It could have been more to Spurs too were it not for some goal keeping heroics from the rapidly improving Szscseszesny. Much has been made of a gradual power shift between these two sides but such talk is best left until the end of the season. For now however, bragging rights belong to Tottenham. When a side is under a home 'hoodoo' from Wigan Athletic, you know they've played terribly in the past. Luckily for Aston Villa, they put it to bed with a two nil win at Villa park. Gabby Agbonlahor continued his bright start to the season by scoring the opener in a man of the match performance for the Villains. The nippy striker collected the ball from Big Yellow Barry Banana before weaving in and out of the Wigan defence and rocketing the ball home into the roof of the net. Harry Redknapp Survivors victim support group were in action for Villa with Alan Hutton luckily managing to get away with a clumsy challenge on Franco Di Santo in the box before Darren Bent scored Villa's second of the afternoon. Ali Al-Habsi kept the home side at bay with a number of good saves, but Villa continue their march toward the top six. Manchester City won again and Blackburn Rovers lost again. The two sides played each other. One side scored four goals, the other scored none. Figured it out yet? Ewood Park came back down to earth with a bump after previously having seen their boys put London big boys Arsenal to the sword previously. Losing to Bayern Munich may well have shown City that they're not quite as big as they are starting to think they are just yet, but they were far too much for Rovers. Four goals from four different scorers in Adam Johnson, Mario Balotelli, Samir Nasri and Stefan Savic keep City in tandem with United on points and go to prove that the off pitch Carlos Tevez saga is not distracting the team. The pick of the goals was most definitely Adam Johnson's with the underused England man curling home from the edge of the area to reward his manager's faith in starting him. In truth, before this opener, neither side could really get into the game, but as soon as it did the floodgates opened. Worryingly for City however, was the substitution in the first half to Argentine sensation Sergio Aguero as the diminutive striker hobbled off. Worries too for Blackburn manager Steve Kean as the worse the result became the more the crowd turned on him. Blackburn look set for a relegation scrap once again this year unless Kean manages to steady the ship as soon as possible. Whether or not he is given the time is another matter entirely. In a spirited performance from the Canaries, Manchester United were made to work hard for a 2-0 win at home. United's 19th straight home win came courtesy of goals from Anderson and Danny Wellbeck. Norwich created their fair share of chances but were wasteful in front of goal, Steve Morrison and Anthony Pilkington both missing absolute sitters. Even when one down after Anderson's headed goal, the team in yellow continued to press and hit the woodwork. But in age old fashion, the hairdryer treatment worked it's magic again as United sealed all three points. Norwich who were committing more players to the attack, were caught on the break and finished off by Wellbeck. United's stand in keeper Lindegard pulled off a number of brilliant saves casting the thus far highly inconsistent De Gea further into the spotlight. In truth, the United defence pushed their luck, with the frankly awful Johnny Evans causing problems for his own side. In a Battle of the Bollocks at the Stadium of Light, Sunderland and West Brom drew 2-2. The hypnotic power of Roy Hodgson's wobbly face allowed the Baggies to twice tear through the Sunderland defence in the early stages. James Morrison headed home from a Chris Brunt free kick then within a minute Shane Long galloped through to put the visitors two ahead. Nicklas Bendtner, who has forged a career out of being as useful as a cocktail sausage at a bar mitzvah, came up trumps for the Black Cats turning goal scorer and goal provider to aid their recovery. Ahmed Elmohamady nodded in the second after the big useless Dane crossed into the box. Lee Cattermole was once again more intent on showing everyone how annoying he can be instead of focussing on the fact that he is a fairly decent player when he puts his mind to it and was lucky to stay on the pitch after a few dodgy tackles. Sunderland and Steve Bruce will be hoping for a quick resolution to the off pitch Titus Bramble situation to once again sure up their defence. This season's dark horses, Newcastle, continued their unbeaten start and now lie 4th in the table after inflicting yet another defeat on Wolves, winning 2-1 away at the Molinuex. Alan Pardew will happily keep his team out of the spotlight for as long as possible to avoid any unwanted pressure, but it won't stay that way for long if the Magpies keep up their fine form. Demba Ba made it four in two, scoring the first of the afternoon latching onto a low cross from the tireless Jonas Gutierrez. The Argentinian worked hard all afternoon and created chance after chance for the Newcastle strikers. Ultimately he had to take up the responsibility himself running past a number of Wolves players before slotting home from twelve yards. Not a bad way to celebrate signing a new contract. Wolves could have been back in the tie were it not for Tim Krul with another excellent performance in goal, marred only by his conceding a Steven Fletcher header to set up a tense finish to the match. But the big Dutch keeper continues to impress, his reputation growing with each game. There was some controversy however as Wolves were denied a clear cut penalty before half time, Jamie O'Hara felled in the box by Steven Taylor. To make matters worse, Wolves were then denied an injury time equaliser after the match officials bizarrely decided that the ball had gone out of play in the build up to the goal. Frank Lampard's tried and tested pre-match diet of one pound's worth of Space Invaders and Panda Pops proved to be a winning cocktail this week as the dumpy midfielder scored a hat-trick in a 5-1 thrashing of Bolton for Chelsea. The match was over by half time with the visitors already four goals to the good. Two goals a piece from Lampard and former Bolton Loanee Daniel Strurridge, put the Blues in charge. Noteworthy that in light of his former affiliation, Sturridge avoided celebrating his goals, good lad. Stand in keeper Adam Bogdan was toilet by name and by nature with several horrible errors to gift Chelsea goals, which in Bolton's current dire state, is not something that can be afforded. Dedryck Boyata was on the scoresheet for the home side, but a Chelsea victory was never in doubt, and it was sealed with Fat Frank's Fird of the afternoon. Chelsea are still within touching distance of the two Manchesters and will hope to keep themselves in with a shout at the title, despite having been written off by the majority. There were actually three derbies today, I chose to omit this one from my opening ramble as quite frankly, no one cares about it. From Sunday afternoon's performance, it would seem that most of all Q.P.R. really don't care about it, losing six to nothing away to Fulham at Craven Cottage. The Cottagers were yet to win a Premiership fixture this season and smashed that in style with a ruthless performance against their West London rivals. Andrew Johnson, who seems to have reappeared after about 3 seasons of doing nothing, scored a hat-trick and put in an all round fantastic performance. Baldy scored two before half time and was taken out by keeper Paddy Kenny in the area, leaving to Danny Murphy to convert from the spot. Shortly after half time he completed the hat trick before Dempsey and Zamora both found the back of the net as the demolition continued. It's a particularly bitter pill to swallow for a Q.P.R. side who have been growing in stature and confidence lately, but it may prove useful for them to get such results out of their system now as opposed to the later stages of the season. If any form of over-confidence can be attributed to this shocking result, then this should prove to be a much needed reality check. Adel Taarabt was at the centre of controversy reportedly leaving the ground after being substituted. It seems that the egotistical Algerian may have met his match in the equally egotistical Neil Warnock. Despite their summer signings, Q.P.R. still need remember that they're in for a long, tough season. In a match that is said to have set a new record for world wide viewing figures (including World Cup and Champions League finals) Swansea punished a sloppy Stoke at home, winning two goals to nil. Goal number one came courtesy of fouly, angry man Ryan Shawcross after ridiculously taking down Wayne Routledge in the box, the resulting penalty coming from Scott Sinclair. Swansea have been openly criticized by fans and the media this season for joining in with the 'buying culture' as epitomised by Chelsea and Manchester City, a claim they find hard to refute when they have players like record signing Danny Graham, bought for a whopping £3.5million on their books. Buying success is a point of contention for many a pub conversation, but in this case it appears to have worked, as the multi-million pound star scored Swansea's second and his first for the club to secure the points. Catching the usually dependable Jonathan Woodgate out on an uncharacteristic error, he slipped the ball past Asmir Begovic five minutes from time. The Swans continue to climb. Let's hope for a bit of rain next week. Follow me on Twitter @tehTrunk If you like my nonsensical ramblings in text, then why not listen to my Barry White like voice on The Fighting Cock podcast found at www.thefightingcock.co.uk €“ It's a Spurs podcast with football and most of all humour in mind.