If he hadn't already been regarded as a journeyman, Paulo Futre would be featuring a lot higher up in this list, but with West Ham representing his fifth club in three years, it seemed pretty obvious from the start that this signing was not going to work out. Futre's time at West Ham escalated out of control even before he had played a Premier League game. He refused to play in the number 16 shirt, instead demanding the number 10 which was worn by John Moncur. The Portuguese attacker also offered to pay £100,000 in order to wear the same number that he had donned at the likes of Atletico Madrid, Benfica and AC Milan. Futre would last just nine games and six months at Upton Park before departing the club midway through the season. He spent a further six months without a club until Atletico Madrid came calling, but his career fizzled out soon afterwards.
A degree-educated, dart-throwing, non-smelling sports journalist based in a small Staffordshire town that has just become Floyd Mayweather's answer to the question: "What's the strangest place you have ever visited?"
