If ever a double-take was required when reading about a transfer, it was when Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano signed for West Ham. Both players had been linked with the likes of Real Madrid, Barcelona and Manchester United, so a quick check to see if the date was April 1 was needed when the Hammers announced that the Argentinian duo had penned a contract with the club. However, while Alan Pardew had pulled off a remarkable coup, there was nothing jaw-dropping about the performances on the pitch. Tevez would eventually come good in the latter stages of the 2006-07 season, but it took just seven games to convince Mascherano that he had made a huge mistake. In the seven fixtures and 413 minutes that he played, West Ham lost every game without scoring a goal. Since then, Mascherano has enjoyed success at Liverpool and Barcelona, but for five long months at Upton Park, he must have felt like he had hit rock bottom.
A degree-educated, dart-throwing, non-smelling sports journalist based in a small Staffordshire town that has just become Floyd Mayweather's answer to the question: "What's the strangest place you have ever visited?"
