3. John Barrowman In Shark Attack 3
John Barrowman's had a colourful career. He's been acting, singing, dancing, writing and presenting (seriously, you name it and he's probably done it) his way through the weird and wonderful world of show business since his early 20s and after landing his popular role as Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, and then fronting its subsequent spin off Torchwood, his success has been going from strength to strength. It hasn't always been plain sailing for this all round entertainer, though. As with most actors, the journey to stardom is an uphill battle and in John's case there have been one or two excursions along the way that he'd probably rather forget. And he isn't the only one. One such example is his ill-fated role in
Shark Attack 3 (or Shark Attack 3: Megaldon, to use its full name, which is
much more dramatic), released in 2002. If you hadn't already guessed from the somewhat foreboding title, the straight to video film followed John's character, Ben Carpenter, whose worst fears surfaced when he discovered a colossal shark's tooth off the Mexican coast. As it turns out, the most menacing beast to ever rule the waters (!!!) is still alive and mercilessly feeding on anything that crosses its path. Don't worry, though, because the shark was the least of John's worries. Not only is the prosthetic shark itself one of the most ridiculous things you'll
ever see (it keeps changing size throughout the course of the film, too, which makes the whole thing even harder to keep up with), it's also lacking any form of narrative which isn't helped by its never ending foray of cheesy dialogue. The moment that will make you scream into a pillow, though, is the downright bizarre scene in which John asks his co-star, Jenny McShane, if
he can take her home and eat her p***y. Seriously. He's always had a way with the ladies (and gentlemen, and... erm, variations thereupon) and this was clearly an offer she couldn't refuse because it quickly cuts to a shot of them getting up, close and personal in the shower for apparently no reason whatsoever. It's got him to where he is today, though, so at least John can thank the mighty Megalodon for something. It also made him an Internet sensation and as they say in Hollywood, you haven't made it until you're the subject of a viral meme. They say that in Hollywood, right?