The Apprentice Week 7 Review - Azhar Gets Fired
The task is to buy stock, take it to two locations, sell stock, ‘smell what’s selling.
So this last fortnight I learnt a few things; getting very drunk on a Tuesday is a bad idea, getting very drunk on a Tuesday night on the same week you have two assignments to hand in is a worse one, because it means you miss The Apprentice, and BBC executives are very rude when you ask them to postpone a TV programme for your own personal convenience; public service broadcasting my arse. Anyway, what we all seemed to miss last week was Misogynist Adams failure ousting Quiet Blonde Katie, which is bad for his Apprentice stats, but wonderful for his crusade against women everywhere. On to this week! The task is to buy stock, take it to two locations, sell stock, smell whats selling come back, buy more, sell more, the winner would be the team with the most money and highest value in assets, and oh, it takes place in Essex. They were off like shots. Well...Sterling were, led by Floppy Haired Nick (the most gracious, wonderful and handsome man in the competition) they set their destinations and their products in a matter of minutes, despite the upsetting of Snake Hips Ricky who put himself forward for project leader for the 18th time and wasnt chosen. Poor man. Over on team Phoenix, led by Natural Born Leader Jade, who describes herself as a natural born leader, yet has failed to once offer to be project manager in her 7 weeks on the show. Now this is the time for our, slightly delayed, Natural Born Leader to show her credentials, verdict? She says umm a lot, and not a lot else. Sterling race out the next morning off to their two nearby locations in Romford packed with Fake tan, fake nails and basically anything that can be sprayed or glued to a human because apparently these peoples opinion of Essex stems only from what theyve seen on The Only Way Is Essex. Phoenix more stroll out the next morning, splitting the products 50/50 even though one of their locations is a long way away from the stock base. On the 8th Day I Invented God Stephen and Snake Hips Ricky take Sterling in to the market where they perform a variety of street sketches to much hilarity of absolutely no-one. Mean while Misogynist Adam and Natural Born Leader Jades playful banter managed to sell their wide array of crap, whilst Short Shorts Azhar and Not Quite an Investor Tom panicked over the strategy of having such an eclectic mix of products, so much so that Azhar sets the world record for the amount of times strategy is said in an hour. Much to the annoyance of everybody. Over on Sterling, all the fake beauty products sell out in about 5 seconds, because apparently some clichés are just too difficult to shake off. Its started raining on Snake Hips Ricky and On the 8th Day I invented God Stephen, so Floppy Haired Nick sends them off to the warehouse to get more of the stock theyve sold out of and come to their indoor location to sell everything. Clever. However due to the BBC being desperate for ratings, in this task as there is every year there is a traffic jam which slows the winning team down. Amping up the drama, sly. Phoenix are doing startlingly well on one or two products, so naturally Jade tells them all to restock on everything, even the stuff theyre not selling...Sometimes you have to wonder just how good someones CV actually is. Eventually the day winds down with Sterling selling high price until the end, whilst Phoenix try and get rid of everything possible, apparently forgetting the meaning of the term assets are valued. So they enter the boardroom, and to nobodies surprised, Floppy Haired Nick and Sterling strike a competent victory by £100. Any other result would have been an injustice as Phoenix were a shambles from the beginning to the end and Jade clearly couldnt handle what she was doing, she must go, surely? NO! Apparently, Short Shorts Azhar deserves to be fired over the fact that he kept telling Jade the correct point that she didnt have a strategy and needed one, but no-one heard him. So he was punished for everyone elses ignorance. Ridiculous. Who was fired: Short Shorts Azhar Was it the right decision?: No, no and triple no. Ridiculous. Jade was an incompetent fool and should have been fired. This weeks valuable business lesson: Say strategy until someone hears you if you want to survive. So, in Azhars case, a million and one times.