9. River Song
Wait. Does River Song even
count as a companion? Probably not, but for the sake of this argument, let's just pretend that she does, OK? It's easier that way. To give credit where credit's due, though, she's not
all bad. She's loyal, feisty, heroic and brave (hell, she even made a
Dalek scream for mercy one - she ain't one to be reckoned with!), and that's not to mention how handy she is with a gun. Having someone aboard the TARDIS with more violent tendencies is ever useful in counteracting the Doctor's "words not war" approach. Whenever the titular Time Lords settles with defeating his adversaries through the art of talking (and then some), River usually opts to go in all guns blazing which, let's be honest, makes it far more interesting and entertaining for us. So yeah, to all intents and purposes, River is a top gal. It's just annoying that her presence in the Doctor's life is as confusing as her timeline (talk about timey-wimey!) and the fact that she's always meeting the Doctor in the wrong order doesn't help, either. So she was conceived aboard the TARDIS -
ooh er! - on Amy and Rory's wedding night, born with Time Lord tendencies and then kidnapped by Madame Kovarian to be conditioned into a psychopathic killing machine who would one day kill the Doctor dressed as an astronaut (for apparently no reason whatsoever). That's the general gist of it but here are the
10 defining moments in her timeline if you're in need of further clarification. The fact she's such an enigma is the only reason River Song has been included on this list of NuWho's worst companions. Oh, and the fact that she can seemingly get out of
any sticky situation by using hallucinogenic lipstick.