10 Better Ways Newcastle Could Spend £75k A Week Than Bafetimbi Gomis

10. Pay For One "Blue Chip" Player With Big Wages

Media Image LtdMedia Image LtdOk, so we'll start out fairly sensibly. Gomis is a good player; he has good attributes, a good goal record, and he has played some good games - but why go for good when you can go for great? Or why go for great when you can go for genius? In fact, why go for genius, when you could probably go for Frank Lampard, a man who has steadily risen through all three of those adjectives and is now just about on the slide back down. Is he a sound investment for the future? No. Does he solve any/all of Newcastle United's current squad issues? Not even close. Would he be the first marquee signing in almost 10 years? Of course he would. Not since 2005, when Freddie Shepherd loaded Michael Owen up on powerful opiates and made him smile and wave to a delirious crowd, have Newcastle fans had a really big name to welcome (there was Zurab Khizanishvili granted, but that's not what I mean). Hell, Jack Colback's probably the first signing in 5 years that most fans had even heard of prior to the move. Lampard's about 84 years old, but given the right protection from his teammates he's probably still got another good season in him. At the very least he'd score a few timely goals, sell a couple of shirts, and remind a downbeat fanbase what it's like to have a player in the squad they've haven't had to look up on YouTube before discussing in the pub.
Managing Editor
Managing Editor

WhatCulture's Managing Editor and Chief Reporter | Previously seen in Vice, Esquire, FourFourTwo, Sabotage Times, Loaded, The Set Pieces, and Mundial Magazine