12 Greatest Ever Newcastle United Rants, Outbursts And Melt-Downs

9. "Which One's Simon Bird?"

It was as farcical an entrance to a football club as any manager has ever undertaken, and judging by what the Tynesiden faithful now know of Joe Kinnear, it was hardly surprising. 'Professional' would not be a word to sum up the former Nottingham Forest boss' affiliation with the club - indeed, he barely knew how to pronounce half the first-team's names when he came back as a scout a couple of years ago. Upon his instatement as a temporary manager in October 2008, however, he displayed a complete lack of top-flight experience and the thinnest skin known to man by launching verbal volleys left, right and centre at those who had dared to question the credibility of appointing a man who hadn't found work in four years. Joe Kinnear: ''Which one is Simon Bird?" Simon Bird: "Me." JK: "You're a c***." SB: "Thank you." JK: "Which one is Hickman? You are out of order. Absolutely f**** out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can f*** off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f***** crap. No f***** way, lies. F***, you're saying I turned up and they f**** off." SB: "It doesn't say that. Have you read it?" JK: "You are trying to undermine my position already." SB: "Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off." JK: "F*** off. F*** off. It's your last f****** chance." SB: "So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?" JK: "It is none of your f****** business. What the f*** are you going to do? You ain't got the b**** to be a f***** manager. F****** day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?" Niall Hickman: "But why Monday, no one could believe it?" JK: "I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?" NH: "Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?" JK: "I have done it before. It it is going to my f***** lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case, it is going to court. I am not f***** about. I don't talk to f****** anybody. It is raking up stories. You are f****** so f****** slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with." Steve Brenner: "We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people c****?" JK: "Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go. Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can f*** off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop." Journalist: "It's only been a week." JK: "Exactly. It feels more like a year." Journalist: "How's the training going?" JK: "It's going very well. No problems at all." Journalist: "Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?" JK: "Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it."