5 Possible Systems Pardew Might Use To Accommodate Newcastle's New Signings

1. The Fans' Wet Dream

Given the scientific theory of infinite parallel universes playing out an infinite number of possibilities, there's one out there where Alan Pardew's gotten Hatem Ben Arfa off the sofa, into the gym, and turned him into the player he was a year or two ago. He's also had a touching near-death incident and decided he doesn't want to be remembered as a manager who plays it safe, so is in the midst of a rigorous training regime of feeding his squad red meat and prodding them with pointy sticks. The team talk for Man City merely planned as being "get 'em boys".

Just imagine a trio of Cabella, Ben Arfa, and De Jong playing with total freedom in the final third of the pitch, and an as yet unnamed centre forward worthy of playing with support of that calibre. Strong, smart, and with some sort of super-power. Someone like, oh I dunno, Demba Ba, or Thor from the Avengers. Both are equally likely.

Then at the back, someone to play alongside Coloccini who isn't The Scarecrow (Steven Taylor, requires a brain), The Cowardly Lion (Yanga-Mbiwa, requires courage), or the Tin-man (Mike Williamson, who is literally made from dense metal). A modern centre-back who's robust enough to deal with a Monday night kicking away to QPR, yet still gracefully brings the ball out of defence and distributes it intelligently. How old's Phillipe Albert these days?

How do you think Newcastle should play this season? Leave us a comment below to join the discussion.