Newcastle Fans Forum: What The Answers Really Mean

8. Ambitions

Question: "Can the club please state in simple terms what the aims and objectives of the club are?" A debate followed on cup competitions. Answer:

"The board explained that in the Capital One Cup, team selections had been generally strong this season. It was felt that the team that won at Manchester City was potentially one of the weakest on paper but achieved arguably the performance/result of the season. "With regard to the FA Cup, the board explained that a number of clubs had voiced concern at a Premier League shareholders meeting about the scheduling of the FA Cup and the number of games during the Christmas period. This was something that the Premier League acknowledged, but it was unavoidable. That said, it was felt that the team selected for the third round tie at Leicester - which was the strongest available with the exception of Ayoze Perez (rested) - was put out with the firm intention of winning the game, and had the quality to do so."

What it really means: We will never try in the cups, the money is worth nothing to Mike's bank account and he likes to see you all cry. The Manchester City result was the biggest fluke in football history. The win left Mike fuming at Pards as he set the team up to win, despite being told not to and that he couldn't field his strongest XI. With regard to the FA Cup, we openly lied to you about any injuries and will continue to do so and not see the point in any of the cup competitions. We will also endeavour to continue to producing ludicrous statistics that have absolutely no substance to them but try to make us look like we know what we are doing. Look at Aston Villa at the moment, they are in the semi finals of the cup, out of the bottom three in the league but are still over 40% more likely to go down then we are. Let's all laugh at them when they walk out at Wembley and we're all having a lovely time sat on our couches...